It’s time to break down the Cats’ next matchup, Saturday on the road against South Carolina.

Since both recent history (SC has won the last 9 times the two teams have played) and recent polls (SC is ranked 25^th, while the Cats are unranked) suggest that Kentucky shouldn’t stand much of a chance, I turned towards a different comparison system.

Five categories to break down the matchup.

 1. Coaches’ preferred headwear

Steve Spurrier is known for his visor and obviously in terms of longevity, he deserves credit. Spurrier has stood pat with his dedication to the topless-hat and has inspired frat guys throughout the South to do the same. What Tom Landry is to the fedora and Bear Bryant was to hound’s-tooth, so is Steve Spurrier to the visor.

While Brooks typically goes with the standard baseball hat, during the summer he’s not afraid to dawn a straw hat reminiscent of the guy from the Curious George books.

RULING: While Brooks deserves credit for going out on a limb and succeeding, this category goes to South Carolina.

SC 1 UK 0

 2. Annoying In-Game Sound Effects

 Almost every team with a feline-related nickname in professional or college sports plays the “mean cat scratching” sound effect over and over during games.

It’s always impressed me that Kentucky has avoided the temptation to do the same.

South Carolina, on the other hand, has taken it to another level of annoyance. If you don’t believe me, just listen while you watch Saturday’s game.

They’ll play the sound effect of a rooster crowing at least 234 times.

RULING: words fail to describe how annoying piped in rooster noise is.

SC 1 UK 1

3. More Surprising All-SEC Quarterback

Stephen Garcia and Mike Hartline have a lot more in common than simply being the two starting quarterbacks in Saturday’s game.

 Both of them threw more interceptions than touchdowns last year, both lost their starting jobs for a few weeks in the middle of the season and both somehow were named third team all-SEC this preseason.

Also, both have made terrible fashion decisions. Hartline’s mustache was brutal but also somewhat awesome. Garcia’s helmet protruding mane speaks for itself.

RULING: Garcia was a four star recruit and a Spurrier quarterback, so maybe it’s a little understandable that he would get put on the pre-season list.

Hartline is harder to explain and thus the bigger surprise, the edge goes to the Cats. 

SC 1 UK 2

4. Famous Musical Alumni

Wilco drummer Glen Kotche went to UK. Amos Lee is a proud SC alum.

While both take up significant room in my itunes library, on the heels of the recently released Wilco (the album) project, the edge here appears to go to UK.

Unfortunately, it would be foolish of me not to mention that all four members of Hootie and the Blowfish went to South Carolina.

RULING: While Wilco is by far the best out of the three, you simply can’t top Hootie. Period.

SC 2 UK 2

5. Pregame Song of Choice 

Nobody does it classier than the Cats in this department. I’m not even from Kentucky but the singing of “My Old Kentucky Home” gives me chills every time. And if it doesn’t pump you up, the “Call to The Post” moments before the team runs through the tunnel will do it, no doubt.

At South Carolina they play the theme to “2001: A Space Odyssey” when the team takes the field.

On South Carolina’s website they call it,  “perhaps the most unique and electrifying pregame entry in all of college football.”

I beg to differ.

First off, anyone with any sense knows that “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair has had dibs on that song as his pre-match entrance music for decades. So it is in no way unique.

As for electrifying, it’s important to remember the song originates from a movie where the protagonist is eventually led to his demise by an evil computer. I don’t know about you, but that’s not the message I want my team to represent.  

RULING: This one is easy, the edge goes to Kentucky

FINAL SCORE SC 2 UK 3

So there you go. Obviously despite what the odds makers say, the Cats have got the edge.

 

With that in mind, I’ll take Kentucky in a close one 27-23.